Thinking About Spirit

Posted By Dori Killion on Jan 18, 2022 | 3 comments


Naked Spirituality

I was baptized at The Parish of Saint Mark Episcopal in Portland OR. I don’t remember it. In my childhood I went to church with the neighbors across the street in La Mirada CA. That’s where the Presbyterians taught me to be a protestant. Ten years after high school graduation I joined the First United Methodists in Whittier CA. then moved back here to Portland 9 years later and joined Vermont Hills.

If I were to describe one instance when the Holy Spirit grabbed me and didn’t let go, it would be when, as a child, I got on my knees one hot, autumn day during a long drought. I prayed to God to please make it rain. Tempers were short and something had to be done. Days later when the rain came I had to endure the scoffing of my siblings when I tried to explain how the rain was the result of my prayer to God. I was the one who was churched and I felt the need to instruct the rest of them. That was then.

The naked body has uses for attracting attention, getting the word out and getting hauled in for questioning. As much as I like my bumper stickers and arm bands to say it for me, I thank God for blogs and for this opportunity to express myself.

I want so much to be known and I fear so much to be found unlovable. How’s that for naked? On the one hand I want to be a child reborn and without bias or indoctrination. One who has shed the clothes of politics and religion. On the other hand, I am like the woman on the corner screaming in her naked pain – calling out to anyone. I cross to the other side. This puts a burden on my soul.

Thank God for the Holy Spirit. I prepare to do the work of communion, naming my intentions, living and growing along The Way as I sort and purge what I knew about God while living with the mystery of what God is. I am attracted to the practice of quarterly Ember Days – 3 days unplugged from technology and in communion with God going over the past 3 months and reestablishing the habits and rhythm needed for the next … if only I really did this. The Holy Spirit tells me not to loose hope, I am capable of this and many other things.

Dori Killion

3 Comments

  1. Dori! This line spoke to me: “I want so much to be known and I fear so much to be found unlovable.” I was thinking about just this idea yesterday, something I’ve mulled over for the last several years: one of the reasons writers are writers is that we want so desperately to be *known*, but we are terrified to be *seen*. Hiding behind the page, we can show the deepest parts of ourselves without actually having to bear, in real time, the weight of that sad, scared part that fears nobody will love us. And you see how I am distancing myself from this idea by using the “we/us” instead of the “I/me”!? Anyway, I love the heck out of you, Dori. Thanks for allowing us to know you better. xo

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  2. Thank you, Dori, for your openness and honesty in this post. I’ve been thinking about the screaming woman you saw. I see myself in her, and I also see myself crossing to the other side. Both of these visuals in my mind disturb me in different ways. I haven’t had time to really think it through, but I think the only reason everyone on Earth isn’t screaming aloud inconsolably right now is because we all hold on to some kind of hope. I can’t say that I can feel the Holy Spirit giving me my hope exactly, but I do find myself feeling hopeful even when it seems like life isn’t giving me many reasons.

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  3. Dori, your generous nakedness moves me so much. Thank you. I love you for this.

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