If Not Now, When?

Posted By Bo Sanders on Mar 15, 2022 | 0 comments

If Not Now, When? by Dori Killion 

“When” suggests “not now” but sometime in the future “if” something changes. Usually that something is me.

“When” is one of my pillars of Truth that help keep confusion at bay: who, what, when, where, why.

I imagine preparing a field for planting and running across one stone after another: big ones, little ones. A time to gather stones, followed by a time to build alters and walls and bridges is also a time to face the difficult issues of religion and politics and relationships.

I try to see my calendar as a sacred document like a menu, a budget, and a ballot. The more I try to integrate Spirit into my life, the more complex my choices. Of course any one of us could go at anytime but, OMG! I just turned 68 and my Do To list is just as long as ever! And so the question becomes, “If not now, when?”

As a child, I hungered for something my family’s daily life was not providing and I was prepared to stand in the face of any power, even Mom, to champion for consistency and rhythm. I was her only child of five, I am told, that voiced this persistent malaise. I spent a lot of time with the neighbors.

As I grow older I grow impatient relying on Spirit’s nudge toward purposeful action. God’s time is a mystery to me.

“When” puts my hope to the test. It has become my angry prayer while at home, safe, seeing what’s happening “in real time”. When will we ever learn?

This hunger and thirst and pleading for justice is important work but as a prayer, there is no satisfaction, only the lesson of patience.

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