Finding Myself

Posted By Dori Killion on Jan 31, 2022 | 2 comments

Finding Myself

Being here sounds like one of the simplest things to do. My grandmother tried to instill in me the importance of knowing the place from where I came and knowing the place where I am. She used to scoff at people who needed to “find themselves”. What’s to find? You’re right here!

Being Here might be mistaken for being elsewhere like when I am lost in the music, a book, a craft, a spreadsheet, a nap. I get on a roll, as they say. I loose track of time. Is getting lost something like being here?

Even as I sleepwalk through life I can always be counted as here.

Once, after listening to a very charismatic preacher, I did it. I was so moved I walked right up front to face a full sanctuary of people I’d never seen before, getting saved as if for the first time. This display left me feeling disingenuous, like I’d been tricked into a forced intimacy.

There’s a few Simple tricks to getting my attention though, and for getting myself Here with body, mind and soul. Take an earthquake for example. As one who has experienced a few, it does the trick. And a cancer diagnosis will shake you out of a fog so fast you wouldn’t believe.

I need to be Here more often. It helps to keep me from losing things, bumping into things. Being Here is under rated, taken for granted; becoming an overused concept like “mindfulness”.

There is no hiding. God is always Here and I can be too, One word can conjure up an entire conversation. I watch for guidance, which I really need because I will never be anything more than a work in progress. Like watching God who is watching me, listening intently. My hearing gets better when I am here and I listen. And maybe I can be here for you too. I’ve been here at Vermont Hills since 1993 and like a lot of other members, I’ve never looked back. I am here on Mondays for walking, here on Tuesdays for talking and here on Sundays for praise.

I have let my relationship with God stagnate at times in my life and then felt the child in me pleading for God to come here and hold me. “Here I am Lord, I have heard you calling in the night.” … “Your eyes have searched me and while smiling, have spoken my name.” You know every hair on my head. I listen with focused attention for that which will help me on The Way toward the Good Life – getting ready to do what I can for God, my neighbor and myself.


  1. My efforts to reach out and be here with God wax and wane also. Thank you for wanting to be here for and with us. I love how you show up.

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  2. That was beautiful ❤️

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