Finding Myself

Posted By Dori Killion on Jan 31, 2022 | 2 comments


Finding Myself

Being here sounds like one of the simplest things to do. My grandmother tried to instill in me the importance of knowing the place from where I came and knowing the place where I am. She used to scoff at people who needed to “find themselves”. What’s to find? You’re right here!

Being Here might be mistaken for being elsewhere like when I am lost in the music, a book, a craft, a spreadsheet, a nap. I get on a roll, as they say. I loose track of time. Is getting lost something like being here?

Even as I sleepwalk through life I can always be counted as here.

Once, after listening to a very charismatic preacher, I did it. I was so moved I walked right up front to face a full sanctuary of people I’d never seen before, getting saved as if for the first time. This display left me feeling disingenuous, like I’d been tricked into a forced intimacy.

There’s a few Simple tricks to getting my attention though, and for getting myself Here with body, mind and soul. Take an earthquake for example. As one who has experienced a few, it does the trick. And a cancer diagnosis will shake you out of a fog so fast you wouldn’t believe.

I need to be Here more often. It helps to keep me from losing things, bumping into things. Being Here is under rated, taken for granted; becoming an overused concept like “mindfulness”.

There is no hiding. God is always Here and I can be too, One word can conjure up an entire conversation. I watch for guidance, which I really need because I will never be anything more than a work in progress. Like watching God who is watching me, listening intently. My hearing gets better when I am here and I listen. And maybe I can be here for you too. I’ve been here at Vermont Hills since 1993 and like a lot of other members, I’ve never looked back. I am here on Mondays for walking, here on Tuesdays for talking and here on Sundays for praise.

I have let my relationship with God stagnate at times in my life and then felt the child in me pleading for God to come here and hold me. “Here I am Lord, I have heard you calling in the night.” … “Your eyes have searched me and while smiling, have spoken my name.” You know every hair on my head. I listen with focused attention for that which will help me on The Way toward the Good Life – getting ready to do what I can for God, my neighbor and myself.

2 Comments

  1. My efforts to reach out and be here with God wax and wane also. Thank you for wanting to be here for and with us. I love how you show up.

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  2. That was beautiful ❤️

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